It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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