am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
