so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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