i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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