u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
