I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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