The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
