my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
