Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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