I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
