chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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