he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
