sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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