When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
