but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
