surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
