I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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