Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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