I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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