My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
