My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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