why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
