Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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