That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
