grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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