he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
