naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
