It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
