If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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