i may or may not be watching the land before time
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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