I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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