She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
