How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
