She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
