wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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