You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
