I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
as a side note pls kill me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
