This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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