sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
