just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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