This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
