remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
