I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
