hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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