If i come over, it means nothing
I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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