pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
