...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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