Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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