You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
