Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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