another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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