I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize