i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize