hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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