When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
