Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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