saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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