He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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