Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
