i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
