Will you blow on my dice?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
