i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
