THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
